Archive for February, 2005

It’s hard out here for a pimp..

My darling child.

 Before I could even get the goop out of my eyes (there’s a lovely image for all of you who are reading this while you are eating your mid morning snack) and get my clothes on this morning, my darling child was up, dressed, coat on and ready to walk out the door. As in I opened the bathroom door from peeing and he was standing there, completely ready to go.

 Most morinings, I have to drag him, kicking and screaming out of bed.

In case you are wondering what this early morning magic is, thy name is game boy. Yes, my son is a slave to the game boy and I have become its willing pimp. Apparently, there is no school today. I say apparently because every other parent in the district read the calendar that they sent home at some point in the past 7 months and knew this. Me, I saw that strange thing with lines, numbers and pertenant information and filed it under “may be important but can’t be bothered” and therefore didn’t realize that there was no school today until I overheard another parent asking the teacher about it on Tuesday. Whew, good thing I’m nosey, isn’t it?!?! At any rate, I figured I was just going to have to call in for Friday until Oakley looked at me with those big Green… ummm, Brown… uhhh… HAZEL eyes and begged me to go to daycare for the day. Well, who am I to turn down such a cute kid and so I made the call and Daycare it is. While this may seem like a ruse for my kid to get as far the heck away from me and my chaotic household as he can (did I mention we spent an hour last night making a homemade drum that was due 2 days ago? Yeah… that’s another blog….) in actuality it all has to do with his Lord and Master, the Game Boy. See on Fridays, the kids at daycare are allowed to bring their game boys with them to play with and share.

So fast forward to this morning, 6:45am and my son, dressed, ready to go, with his Nintendo DS in it’s case slung around his neck and his Game Boy advance in it carrying case in his hand… while I am half asleep stumbling out of the bathroom like a zombie, trying to get the drool off my chin, the cat off my back and goo out of my eyes. And the inquisition begins:

Child: Mommy! Let’s go!!

Me: Honey, I need to get dressed.

Child: Well what are you doing!?!?!

 Child: Honey, I’m washing up.

Child: Well what about now?!?!

Me: Honey, I’m going potty.

Child: Are you pooping or peeing?!?!

 Me: Oaks go to your room and leave me be until I am ready to go!!!!!!

Child: Ok. (PAUSE). MOMMY!!! Are you ready yet?!?!

 And so on and so on……

See he’s not normally allowed to touch his game boy in the morings on schoool days. And only in the evenings if hes had a good day and all of his homework is done. So to get to A) go near it in the morning and B) play with it all day on a school day… well, this is like the road to Mecca!!!! And Mommy is delaying the journey!!! Silly clothes!!! JUST GO NAKED!!!

Needless to say I managed to get my slow old ass together and get the poor lad to his daycare in a timely manner so that he could begin his day of happiness with his friends. But not before I heard everything I ever wanted to know about why Mario wears red and how yoshi should have a “Y” somewhere on his clothes, to match the “M” that Mario has on his. And did you know that dinosaurs lay eggs and that pirranah plants have white freckles???

Adult conversation anyone? But on the plus side, Child is sticking by his assertion that he is going to make games when he grows up. Which then stands to reason that he should be supporting me in a manner to which I am unaccustomed, seeing as he is a good boy who loves his mommy and will therefore be funneling her money well into her old age.

I deserve it. After all, It’s hard out here for a Pimp!