Archive for October, 2005

And the theme of the day is….

Ok, the theme of the day is Karma. When this was running through my head earlier, in the car, I really had a lot more to say about the topic. Now, I am so tired and drained, I’m not sure I can think of it all again. But here goes..

It kills me anymore to hear anyone talk about Karma… what *is* Karma anyway? The notion that what you do comes back on you, the notion that cosmically, you are responsible for how big of a jack ass you may or may not choose to be. But see I just don’t think it works that way. First of all, lets settle something: Is Karma paid before or after you die? Let’s go with “both” as a nice round answer.

Looking around at the world, it is CLEAR that no one really gets what they deserve. And personally, I am pretty thankful for that. But the truth is, there are amazing people who get the ass and real shit heads who get it all. I don’t think anyone actually gets what they deserve in this life. I think people get what they *think* they deserve. If I am a jack ass and I don’t see it or think there is the least thing wrong with my behavior, I am likely going to go through life pretty easy. On the other hand, If I am an all around great human being who cheated on her taxes one year and I can’t live with the guilt, I am going to make myself miserable until I make amends. I just don’t see the pay back/consequence thing at all. bad things happen to good people and great things happen to bad people…
so ok, then, enter the whole next life Karma thing. This is a crock if I ever heard one. I mean what’s the damn point. Very few people are actually in touch enough with their soul to remember anything about a past life, much less retain a lesson that a whole other person needed to learn. Plus, The notion implies that the soul directs the brain of it’s corporeal host. That feels wonky to me… I have a heard time thinking of a killer who is just that way because his soul is evil. If we are to believe that, then we can’t possibly believe in rehabilitatin. I mean if your soul is fucked, what chance does the rest of you have. And so, ok, killer croaks and goes to his great come uppance in which he is properly chasised and sent back to the world as a little girl who is cripped and neglected, destined to suffer her whole life to pay pernnance for whatever she did while she was the killer. But is the soul still evil? Or did it somehow become less evil by taking to corporeal form of someone so disadvantaged? Oh and don’t I feel like a chump, and kind of completely unenlightened that I can barely get a handle on who my soul is some of the time, much less figure out what it may or may not have done last life time that caused me to miss the winning lottery by a number in *this* life. Or be beat by my parents. Or raped by my boss. Or have to watch “Who’s the Boss” in syndication.

I just think it is either crap, or over simplified in a way that I am missing. Every time I have an evil thought about someone (and believe me, I have them) Tina freaks out, thinking I am incurring some kind of Karmic debt that will lead to my untimely demise. But I think the truth of the matter is that I could be Gahndi in this life and still get my car stolen and my ass beat in my next life.

Why do we always have to come up with a nice little excuse… why cant we just admit that sometime life just sucks, no matter who you are?? Are we afraid of the randomness? I mean, I am petrified of the randomness, but convincing myself the I or my loved ones have good Karma does little to asuage my irrational fears. nor do I feel better about the untimely death of a child by telling my self that she must have really fucked someone over in her last life, so she got struck with some horrible disease in this one. I mean, call me a cynic or a pessamist or just plain mean, but sometimes life is just one big never ending ass suck with a few great moments thrown in to keep you entertained.



Ok, crisis du Jour! So, about 2 weeks ago, I decide that I want to do something with my hair ebcasue I am sick of how thin it is since having the baby. Those who know me know I NEVER spend money on something like hair or makeup. I mean… I just never do. SO this is abig deal. So I call Michaels (by the way, in case you get bored and skip the rest NEVER GO TO MICHAELS!!!!!!) and they set me up with a free consult and assure me that the very nice woman who also has naturally curly hair will do whatever I want.

So today, I am so thrilled to be doing this Nice Thing for myself and convinved that when I am done I will have long flowing locks and maybe blue eyes (I know it sounds like a big order for a hair dresser, but I set the bar high!). I giddily go to the place and instantly feel as if I am Little Girl in Mommys Dressing Room. I should have taken the hint and left then. But I wait for Kelly to come and get me and when she does, I notice that she looks like maybe she was trying to fit in with her teen age daughters friends or at least steal their hair do. So she sits me down and starts tearing up my hair, telling me that there is nothing she can do with it except cut it all off! Now, I have an irrational fear of short hair, so this was out of the question. And she gets all shitty with me about the issue, and tell me that all that about 3 inches of my hair is psudo hair and that hse can’t “make my hair long for me”…. then, after I try to tell her nicely that I look awful with short hair and I am not comfortable cutting it, she informs me that my hair is “certainly not flattering the way it is” and tells me flat out that I either cut it all off or she can’t help me. Then, as if she is trying ot make me feel better, she informs me that *her* hair is curly and look how nice hers is. I wanted to tell her that her hair made her look like a middle aged soccer mom who just wants to fit in and not the cutsie little poodle she thought it would. Further, I told her my body type does not support short hair, that the less hair I have, the more I look like a triangle, and I did not come this far in life to look like a triangle. Well she stands firm, cut it or get out, so I get out.
I call Susan, very upset about my dashed hair dreams (by the way, my eyes are still brown to boot) and she instantly refers me to her hair guy, David. David, the sweetest gay man on earth, offers to see me this afternoon and fix me up fine. So we go in and he looks at my hair and tells me that he can trim it up a little at a time and that it does not need to be cut short. Then he walks me through all of the things I can do to make it healthy and fabulous, trims it up and saves the day! (hair wise, anyway)…. so now my hair is 2 inches shorter, but still long and is light and kicky! And AND he gave me extra special happy shampoo to boot! My eyes, however, are still brown. you can’t get the moon I guess…

Moral of the story… AVOID MICHAELS!! And never trust a straight person to handle what a Gay man was born to do! That and Susuan has all of the best connections inthis city. I strongly recommend you consult her before doing anything if you are in the city!