Scientific Research

For a long time, I was nervous to take too many baths.


Well, my mother died of a brain tumor and SHE took a bath every single night.

Every night after dinner, my mother would go upstairs and pull out her blue vaseline bath salts and run a bath. The water would turn this awesome shade of blue and make all kinds of bubbles and I thought it was the greatest thing in the world. Sometimes I would sit up in the bathroom and talk to her while she soaked under the bubbles and sometimes I was bored and would go and play, but she always took her bath.

Then when I was a teenager, she got sick. Only no one knew she was sick. Every one thought she was depressed, because she couldn’t stay awake and she forgot things, sometimes minutes after she was told them. She forgot significant things. Like, that she had eaten. She also stopped taking her baths.

She died when I was 18 and for the longest time, I didn’t want to take baths because it made me too much like her and then I might die too. (SHUT UP, yes you WOULD think the same thing!) But much more recently, I have moved from being a die hard shower-er to a bath taker.

A few things about this. First of all, I am thinking that I was flawed in my assumption that  baths cause brain tumors. Yeah, oops! Second of all, wow, baths rock. I get why my mother took them every night, no matter what. That time in the bath is probably the most relaxing time of the day. Nothing can get to me in my bathtub!!! My super secret Fortress of  Solitude! Protector from all that is evil and DIRTY!

Also, smells good! And BUBBLES! Dude!

So. I am not a huge fan of the nightly bath. Of course, I need my own twist, and so I shower after I soak, to get the bubbles off and wash my hair. And I am pretty sure I don’t have a brain tumor! I’ve always been this off kilter! Go eccentric!! and paranoid!

However, now I am thinking that maybe it is NOT taking a bath that causes brain tumors. In which case, I totally side stepped a land mine by avoiding baths all that time. Because my research is valid and unquestionable. Like me spelling. Also, I think maybe it was my mom watching out for me that protected me from the non bath related brain tumors.

Thanks, mom!


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