Archive for family

Day 3… 12.. where the hell was I?

Oohhh… Ok, no I haven’t given up on the job quest. There has been way too much going on here. Most of which I just choose not to share on a blog.

Where was I? Oh yes, my job. There are a few things that have hit me hard in the head since the last time I posted here and those things are extremely important. Bear with me.

My family and I are really really different. Not good different, not bad different, just different. And this is a concern because I am sort of just now realizing this. Not on the surface. On the surface, I have always know that. It’s what lies beneath that is so striking to me.

My family, for the most part, are brain-y people who live in their head. My brother, as a prime example is freakishly smart. He’s THAT guy, you know the one. The one who always raised his hand in class, the one who you hated because he made the class drag on, but then secretly loved because he asked all the questions that you were too dumb to think of. Yeah, that’s my brother. He is the director of an IT department in a law office. To me, that’s like making a brain sandwich out of  brains stuffed in between two slices of brain. In fact I think my brother might actually build brains in his basement.

Anyway, it is no secret to anyone who knows my family at all that my brother is a great big fat Trekie, only not fat. This is appropriate, because I swear my brother is the closest thing you will ever find to Spock, that isn’t vulcan. I don’t think I have ever seen him show emotion. My brother told me my mother died over the phone. And possibly then went to play golf. I may or may not have made the “golf” part up. At any rate, I am sure he was affected, but right now, that’s just a working theory. I have no real proof that my brother has emotions, much less shows them. Illogical.

I on the other hand, is what’s known as a “drama queen”. I have been known cry over a particularly moving restaurant commercials. I am not stupid in the least, but I am not exactly a brainiac. I am, however, a nerd. That’s right, a semi intelligent nerd. Illogical! In fact, I think I may have a fit of the vapors!!

My brother lives in a nice suburban area with his attractive wife (Ok, we are the same there, I have an attractive wife too! Suck it, conservatives!) and his cute kids who do activities like soccer and band and crawling after shiny things (the baby is only a year old). He works in his office and she works in the bank. They have investments and stability and older kids with their college already paid for. In short, they are, the American dream.

Ok. I am more like the American Ambian experience. I am a crunchy granola type. I ACTUALLY hug trees. Oh yes I do. I used to make all of my own housecleaning products and beauty products. I never met an incense I didn’t like. I bought my entire family “1001 thing you can do to save the earth” for Christmas one year. I am an earthy goddess woman and I live for flowy skirts, 1950’s retro and all things handmade. Unfortunately, I have spent the majority of my adult life trying to be my brother.

And I am failing. Because my brother is really good at being him, but I am not. Yet, I have built a life in which I live in suburbia, with a son who is in cub scouts and a nice county job that pays decent and is stable. I have retirement and a lawn mower…. you get the picture. But none of it fits and I am bored and burnt out and reaching for something that I will never quite touch because it is foreign to who I am. And honestly, I don’t think I want it.

So. I feel like I need to start over. No clue how. I mean none. But I think this whole job thing is a lot more at this point than a novelty. I think I am at a point in which if I don’t make a change, I am going to look back when I am old and feel like I have wasted my entire life and die, full of regret.

Did I mention I am a “drama queen”?? So, this is where I am at. Still planning on the sculpture class and the camera and the handmade lotions. But seriously thinking that I need to change my career before it’s too late.

Anything else would be Illogical! Or something!

Advertisements

Classic..

The truck in front of me driving home had the following 3 bumper stickers:

“Bush/Cheney 04”

“Proud to be a parent of a cub scout”

“I heart hooters”

Nice. Not even sure how to follow that up. Not sure that it REQUIRES follow up.

Also, my dad has cancer. Dudes, CANCER. The doctors don’t know what kind but it looks like lung cancer.

Me? I’m ignoring it until a biopsy proves that  the doctors are full of shit.