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Suck

This day was full of suckage. Indeed there was much suckatude happening.

This is the problem with my current job. While it is somewhat in my field and pays decent, I am hating the person that I am becoming in this job. I have made my list of things that I want in my work, but here is a list of some of the qualities that my current job is bringing out in me:

~ Anger ~ inpatience ~ paranoia ~ control

That’s to name a few. Yet, I would be a fool to leave my job in this economy, when there is no gurantee that I would find a different job.

Right?

Yeah. Right. I suppose I am just having a bad day, really. I have been looking over my list and trying not to feel hit over the head with the amount of things on that list that do not jive with my current job.

About 7 months ago, I had the opportunity to switch jobs. The problem is that the new job would have been about a 7k pay cut. I hemmed and hawwed and eventually, I did not take the new job (obviously!). About 3 months after I turned down this job, my current job offered a “buyout”. 25% of your current salary and you had to be gone by the first of the year. A great deal if you are young, going back to school, moving out of the area, retiring, or if you have another job lined up.

None of these things apply to me, unfortunately. I did have another job opportunity during that time, but I didn’t get the job.

Now, I have turned down one job and lost another and did not take the financial opportunity to get “unstuck” and I am feeling trapped. This is awful on 2 levels. First of all, who wants to feel trapped, right? But second of all I feel guilty because, as my manager is quick to point out, there are thousands of people who would probably sell their blood for the chance to feel “trapped” in my job.

But is the economy and guilt really a good reason to stay in a job that is bringing out the worst in your personality? That’s a good question. I think that it’s a good enough reason not to walk away without another job. But what about taking a lesser paying job? This assumes that a lesser paying job would present itself. Of course, I HAD a lesser paying job all lined up and ready to go, yet I turned it down.

The fact of the matter is that most social workers don’t make as much as I do. This means that I would walk out of my job and, if I stay in my current career, I would take a pay cut, period.

I am talking myself in circles. In case you hadn’t noticed. But I think I am back to my central point. All of this is pointless if you don’t know what it is that you like to do, or want to do.

I think that the bottom line is that I do not like being a social worker, but I’m good at it.

Now what?

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