Posts Tagged ‘rants’

Day 3… 12.. where the hell was I?

Oohhh… Ok, no I haven’t given up on the job quest. There has been way too much going on here. Most of which I just choose not to share on a blog.

Where was I? Oh yes, my job. There are a few things that have hit me hard in the head since the last time I posted here and those things are extremely important. Bear with me.

My family and I are really really different. Not good different, not bad different, just different. And this is a concern because I am sort of just now realizing this. Not on the surface. On the surface, I have always know that. It’s what lies beneath that is so striking to me.

My family, for the most part, are brain-y people who live in their head. My brother, as a prime example is freakishly smart. He’s THAT guy, you know the one. The one who always raised his hand in class, the one who you hated because he made the class drag on, but then secretly loved because he asked all the questions that you were too dumb to think of. Yeah, that’s my brother. He is the director of an IT department in a law office. To me, that’s like making a brain sandwich out of  brains stuffed in between two slices of brain. In fact I think my brother might actually build brains in his basement.

Anyway, it is no secret to anyone who knows my family at all that my brother is a great big fat Trekie, only not fat. This is appropriate, because I swear my brother is the closest thing you will ever find to Spock, that isn’t vulcan. I don’t think I have ever seen him show emotion. My brother told me my mother died over the phone. And possibly then went to play golf. I may or may not have made the “golf” part up. At any rate, I am sure he was affected, but right now, that’s just a working theory. I have no real proof that my brother has emotions, much less shows them. Illogical.

I on the other hand, is what’s known as a “drama queen”. I have been known cry over a particularly moving restaurant commercials. I am not stupid in the least, but I am not exactly a brainiac. I am, however, a nerd. That’s right, a semi intelligent nerd. Illogical! In fact, I think I may have a fit of the vapors!!

My brother lives in a nice suburban area with his attractive wife (Ok, we are the same there, I have an attractive wife too! Suck it, conservatives!) and his cute kids who do activities like soccer and band and crawling after shiny things (the baby is only a year old). He works in his office and she works in the bank. They have investments and stability and older kids with their college already paid for. In short, they are, the American dream.

Ok. I am more like the American Ambian experience. I am a crunchy granola type. I ACTUALLY hug trees. Oh yes I do. I used to make all of my own housecleaning products and beauty products. I never met an incense I didn’t like. I bought my entire family “1001 thing you can do to save the earth” for Christmas one year. I am an earthy goddess woman and I live for flowy skirts, 1950’s retro and all things handmade. Unfortunately, I have spent the majority of my adult life trying to be my brother.

And I am failing. Because my brother is really good at being him, but I am not. Yet, I have built a life in which I live in suburbia, with a son who is in cub scouts and a nice county job that pays decent and is stable. I have retirement and a lawn mower…. you get the picture. But none of it fits and I am bored and burnt out and reaching for something that I will never quite touch because it is foreign to who I am. And honestly, I don’t think I want it.

So. I feel like I need to start over. No clue how. I mean none. But I think this whole job thing is a lot more at this point than a novelty. I think I am at a point in which if I don’t make a change, I am going to look back when I am old and feel like I have wasted my entire life and die, full of regret.

Did I mention I am a “drama queen”?? So, this is where I am at. Still planning on the sculpture class and the camera and the handmade lotions. But seriously thinking that I need to change my career before it’s too late.

Anything else would be Illogical! Or something!


Beware of offensive language

Wow. People really hate gays. Check out the comments.

The video itself is supposed to be satire. Personally, Iwish it weren’t.

I have yet to have anyone give me a logical reason why gay marriage should be outlawed. Not one. Religious reasons don’t count, as we are not a theocracy in therefore blanket generalizations in dogma simply don’t apply.

Anyway, this isn’t about gay marriage. It’s about the sting of belonging to a population of people who are an “issue” in this country. Minority status in the USA is so common anymore, it amazes me that there IS a majority anymore, or even a perceived one. If you are a woman, you are a minority. If you are a Jew, a Muslim, Black, Chineese, Hindu… pretty much anything but a White, Christian Male, you are a minority. The minority only exisits in separate parts. The minority bound together IS the majority.

Ok. I’m tired. Sorry for the sociology 101 rant.

It’s just that lately I have been thinking about what it means to be in a minority group and the way that it affected my life.  Personally, I am pretty lucky. I don’t get threatened or harassed. With the exception of one niece, I have a family that completely accepts me. My job is open (although they don’t offer benefits). I own a house, a car, I have a good education and a decent job by anyones standards. I can’t get married, but that’s not really personal.

What is personal is the way in which people toss their bigotry off lightly, as if it’s ok. I am amazed at the people who “don’t use the N word” but will call some one a fag before you can blink. Why can the populace in general routinely comment that things are “sooo gay”, and outside of a few rarely played PSA’s, no one says a word? Why is anyone allowed to use the church to excuse their hatred?

I have heard various arguments in regards to the offensiveness of the gay community comparing their current struggle to the civil rights movement. What is sadder about these arguments is the assertion that they are valid because much of the black community are anti gay. First of all, there is no real evidence that this is true. But going with the argument, I am not sure how to wrap my head around the bigoted black person. I suppose, on the one hand, it is the response of anyone who has been bullied… now that they are on the other side of the fence, it is easier to pick on than be picked on. But I think that thought process falls short. Let’s face it, the black community is STILL bullied. I am pretty sure it is a matter of religion. Of the blacks that I have met who are truly bigoted against gays, their argument is in the bible. Period. And there is no thought beyond that.

It bothers me. It bothers me that there are people in my world who can never know who I love because their bigotry will overpower their relationship with me. It bothers me that the same upstanding people who would never dream of using “the N word” would freely call me a Dike or toss off “fag” like it’s not offensive. It bothers me that some people will use the love of Christ to defined their right to discriminate, belittle, demean and segregate their fellow human being.

To clarify. It BOTHERS me. It does NOT surprise me. And it saddens me.

I hope it bothers you, too.